Dante's Night Show!
by RukaStarr
Summary: *DISCONTINUED* -formerly Ask Dante- Wanna ask our favorite half-demon, half-human...dude? Well, go ahead and ask away here! Email quiestions, please. R&R here, though! Guest stars will appear, too! Stay tuned!
1. Default Chapter

Black Phoenix: Hey all! I thought, "Since all the other sections have Ask blah blah, why not try one?" Sooo...Heeeeerrreeee'ssss AAASSSSKKK DAAANNNTEEE!!  
  
Dante: Just Ask Dante...me...  
  
Black Phoenix: Yep! Ask him anything! And uhhh...WHY ARE THOSE MARIONETTES STILL HERE?!?!?!  
  
Nelo: Erm...I dunno! They came on their own!  
  
Marrionettes: (sung to the tune of that Pinnochio song) #I got some strings to keep me up!#  
  
Black Phoenix: Ergh, ignore them...Ask Away!!! 


	2. Ahhsooo many questionswhere to start?

Black Phoenix: Hi! Welcome to The Stupid Show with Black Phoenix! Here, we have Dante Sparda of Devil May Cry to answer questions you have asked! Yes, I write the questions, letters, and what not as they appear in the Review page.  
  
Dante: Okay, who's first?  
  
Black Phoenix: Erm...Stuzak.  
  
Dante: *waves his hand to continue* Shoot.  
  
Black Phoenix: Okay.  
  
ohh, i have many many questions:  
  
1: Is your hair natural or do you bleach it?  
  
2: whats the deal with alistor? Say a normal human touched the handle, would they be fried?  
  
3: same question as a bove except with ifrit.  
  
4: how come your clothes never seemed to get ripped apart? ive seen you rise through swords, get cut by sharp blades, and have big red spikes through you.  
  
5: where can i get these super-clothes that never get ripped?  
  
6:which is your song of these 3:  
Europe - The final countdown  
Phil Collins - Another day in paradise  
Bonjovi - Its my life  
  
What character would you most likely team up with from other games/movies?  
  
Tidus from FF10  
Tifa from FF7  
Squall from FF8  
An alien from the Aliens Trilogy (its half 1 in the morning i can't think of any better ones)  
The Terminator  
Max Payne  
  
Ok ive said enough. im tired and i need sleep.  
  
I look forward to seeing your reply.  
  
Dante: DAANG! That's a lot! Okay...here goes nothing...  
1. Natural! LOOK AT MY EYEBROWS!! *points at his eyebrows*  
2. Alastor...Possibly.  
3. Most likely...look at the flames!  
4. My clothes are made from special material made by my mommy, Eva!  
5. Try the What-The-Hell Mall down in Hell! Take a left and Candy Eye Candy Store, take a right at Jeeper's Creeper's Peepers, then walk straight down the hallway until you see a store called Fiery Fitting Clothes Outlet. And you're there!  
6. Europe- The Final Countdown  
7. Tifa! Hell yeah, she's one hot chick! I don't like guys as partners, they end up becoming yaoi pairings in fanfics. YECK! p  
  
Good night!  
  
Black Phoenix: Not bad, Dante!   
  
Dante: Heh-heh.  
  
Black Phoenix: Next is from Silver Sparrow.  
  
Can I have your trench coat? x_X Or if not, can I get into yer' pants? XD  
  
Dante: No, you can't have my trench coat and...WHAT?!?! O_O  
  
Black Phoenix: Silver Sparrow wants to get into your pants...  
  
Dante: Erm...Ummm *sweats* O_O;;;; Do I HAVE to answer this?!?!  
  
Black Phoenix: Yep.  
  
Dante: Dammit! I...uhh...Lemme think about that....  
  
Black Phoenix: Yeah, while you do, here's your next question from OrangeGirlExplosion  
  
What do you think of your new partner, Lucia?  
  
Dante: She looks weird. That's all I have to say.   
  
Black Phoenix: That's...all?  
  
Dante: Yep.  
  
Black Phoenix: Ahhh...Now that second question...  
  
Dante: DAAAHHH!! I can't take this anymore! I'm gonna go knit more scarves! *leaves, slams door, motorcycle wheels can be heard*  
Black Phoenix: DAAANNNTTEEEE!!!! COOMMEE BAAACCCKKK!!!  
  
Dante: *revs back* Okay!  
  
Black Phoenix: Good! Next question's from DysfunctionalDoll  
1. Boxers or briefs?  
2. Did you really kill Vergil, or did his demonic form just die?  
3. If he is alive...COULD YOU HOOK ME UP WITH HIM PLEASE? ^^  
4. Were you and Trish a couple?  
5. What in the bloody hell happened to her?  
6. WHY DID CAPCOM FUCKING CHANGE YOUR VOICE? ;_;  
7. Along with my other question...if Vergil is dead, can I hook up with you, or would Lucia get mad? ^^ I LOVE YOU DANTE ^^  
8. WHERE THE FUCK CAN I GET A DAMN PLUSHIE OF YOU? .  
  
Dante: Well...  
1. Boxers. More comfy.  
2. Nope, didn't kill my brother, just his stunt double.  
3. SURE! Here's his number. Really! 1-800-452-5277...Or 1-800-KIC-KASS.  
4. Nope. Not exactly. Y'see, she's a reincarnated form of my mommy, so nope. Nothing but partners.  
5. Got kidnapped. Agh, who cares? Maybe all the Trish lovers.  
6. Actually, since I was sick when we recorded Devil May Cry, they had someone do a voice over for me. Did a pretty good job, that Bobby. Well, now that I'm not sick anymore, Nelo killed him for fun. But just to fit it in, they got a new voice over for me. Poor guy.  
7. Virgil's not dead, just his stunt double. Nah, Lucia won't mind. She don't even like me anyways. One date's good enough for me...*looks at Black Phoenix's angry look* OR not...  
8. Hmm...I dunno, but I'll send you a pic of one. Just give me your e-mail address and I'll send you a picture of a Plushie me and the link of the guy who made it!  
  
Black Phoenix: *with a slightly angry look* Okay... Next is from Amail.  
  
Since I love these sections and hate some of the loopy questions people asked, I wanted to ask things I'm sure you would want to actually answer.  
  
1. Is Nelo Angelo your brother Virgil or was he just a copy(clone) made by Mundus?  
2. Any idea how Mundus made Trish look like your mom? That was sort of cool, but really creepy.  
3. Do you ever hunt monsters besides demons and ghosts? Have you ever had to go up against something crazy like a dragon, phoenix, griffin(not counting that nitwit from your game), kelpi, or harpy? I apologize if you don't know what those monsters are. I just read some fantasy books with those monsters and starting write weird stories with them included. But, you can find them in any encyclopedias.  
4. What do you think of Zan from the game Rising Zan? He seems to have copied your style of fighting, but looks crazy doing it.  
5. How many games would you like to see in your series?  
6. Really, what do you think of women and how do they treat you? You must have beat off fan girls with your sword constantly. And, being a female, I actually find women do act crazy and think they do this just to upset men. They make the female sex look weird and totally beyond understanding.  
7. I'm working on a fanfic where you pass off your business and weapons to your oldest son, one of four kids you have maybe two or three hundred years down the line. His name is Draco, like that dragon head on Alastor, and he's trying to help a family destroy these crazy twins that carry giant scissors for weapons. The twins are Scissormen featured in the Clock Tower series for Snes and Playstation, and have weird abilities like teleporting around when chasing someone and having strong influence on people with evil obsessions.  
How would you try to defeat two stupid nine-year-olds that wore ugly masks and tired to get you with giant scissors, while laughing like a couple of evil schoolgirls? Really, I'm serious, I've been playing this game for inspirationbut don't see how you would defeat them.  
8. Will you PLEASE keep the name Devil May Cry? Devil Never Cry sounds a little weird for your business when we all know you make the devils cry. And, why did Trish make such a weird suggestion?  
  
Thanks, Dante  
  
And, watch out for those fanfics where they have you up against Voldemort from Harry Potter or Lord Sauron from Lord of the Rings. You know somebody going to use those ideas one of these days.  
  
Dante: WHAO! I don't think I can answer all that! Maybe I can...lemme see...  
1. Yes, he's my brother Virgil...Mundus probably took his DEAD body, reincarnated him, and made him into the demon he is.  
2. No clue. Maybe Mundus used a pic of my mom for reference...freaky, I know.  
3. I can't hunt phoenixes, they revive eventually, but I'll try. I tried to hunt a griffin, but instead the griffin hunted me...'cause I had cookies it wanted...  
4. Cheap ass. Use MY moves and use them as his own?! Copy-cat...He's a freak I say...  
5. LOTS! But not too many so that people would get tired of seeing my sexy ass. I mean, look at Mario from Nintendo! He's been around longer than Black Phoenix here and he's STILL famous!  
6. Damn groupies...Yes, I keep 'em back with Alastor...Hehe...They're in hell now...WHOOPS! Women are good, but I don't like wimpy girls that make guys fight for them, work for them, and all that crap. At least they should stand up for themselves and NOT scream like a WHINY HELPLESS girl! The only girls in MY life that have treated me good are Mom/Trish and Black Phoenix. Well....I take that last one back... She ignores me 'cause I ignore her...but she could take care of herself. She knows Taekwon Do...  
7. Wow, can't wait to read it. I hate scissors, they cut off my beautiful locks of white hair. Twins with freakish masks and giant scissors you say? *cracks knuckles* What the hell...I'll send them to hell. Just asking, who did I bang?  
8. Sure, Devil Never Cry sounds weird, too. I'm good at making devils cry...Trish must've been on something. I don't know.  
  
Dante: And I'll watch for those fics...I can their asses anytime.  
  
Black Phoenix: Well, you survived that one. Next letter's from Kar-chan  
  
Hay Dante! You have the coolest name. Did you know that Sir Paul Macarthy made a song with the same name as your guns? It's called 'Ebony and Ivory'. Seriously!  
  
Dante: I know I have a cool name! *beams* Yes, I know that song. Good one. And it's not Sir Paul "Macarthy", it's Sir Paul "McCartney". Former Beatle. Black Phoenix here used to know that song by heart...until her uncle lost the Paul McCartney CD at work...  
  
Black Phoenix: Yep. Next one's from sonflour.  
  
Ummm...do you ever plan on getting married  
  
What happened to Trish in the second Devil may Cry  
  
What's up with you and romance...  
  
Dante: Do I ever plan on getting married?   
  
Black Phoenix: *holds up a Gamers Bridal Magazine*   
  
Dante: Nope.  
  
Black Phoenix: *lowers the magazine sadly*  
  
Dante: Trish got kidnapped...At least that's what the director told me. And romance...not exactly against it. For some reason, with some writers, horror, action, angst, and adventure HAVE to have romance in it...Weird, eh?  
  
Black Phoenix: Next is from...futuresuperstar...  
  
Ooo,yay! I need a few questions answered, Dante.  
  
1-Which do you like better? Alastor, Force Edge, Sparda, or Ifrit  
  
2-Which do you like better? Ebony and Ivory, Shotgun, Grenade Gun, Nightmare Beta, or Neddlegun?  
  
3-Ever thought of being in a tag team fighting game and partnering up with Solid Snake?  
  
4-Who's harder? Griffon, Phantom, Nelo Angelo, Nightmare, or Mundus?  
  
5-Who smells worse, sin scissors or sin scythe?  
  
6-What would you do if you met Britney Spears?  
  
7-Can I have your autograph?  
  
8-How do you get infinite ammo in you firearms? Did you borrow Snake's bandanna?  
  
9-Could you please read my 2 fics? Devil May Cry: The Lurking Evil and Metal Gear Solid 3: The Missing Patriot?  
  
10-Who's your favorite singer?  
  
11-Could you please turn on the creator of this fic for making me crazy and asking a fake person stupid questions?  
  
Thanks for your time, Dante.  
  
p.s.-Kill trish, she looks like a bum.  
  
Dante: Aha...  
1. I dunno, I like 'em all. Different purposes.  
2. Ebony and Ivory! They're my life's work into making guns!  
3. Yeah! We could kick ass!  
4. Hrm...Griffon-Nope. Phantom-Nope. Nelo Angelo-Gave me a wedgie when we were kids. Nightmare-Now I'm scared of Jell-O...and Bill Cosby since he's associated with Jell-O. Mundus-He's a freak...So it's Nightmare.  
5. Hrm...I would say sin scythe. Since scissors are no way better than scythes, the sin sythes have gotta have a stonger smell...eww...  
6. Hmm...not ask for her autograph...maybe pick my nose in front of her...  
7. Sure! *writes on a paper pad* [It says: Dante Wuz Here]  
8. Snake's bandanna is sweaty...Easy, I scare the hell out of the weapon shop owner, so he gives me unlimited ammo...for free! XD  
9. Sure, if I have enough time. I'm a very busy man, you know.  
10. I like Linkin Park.  
11. Uhhh... *blush*  
Dante: Killing Trish would be bad. She looks like my mom.  
  
Black Phoenix: Okay. Last one is from my cousin, kraP nikniL...nice way to write Linkin Park!  
  
Hi, insan (short cut for pinsan) I want to know more about dante. pls update me, thanks...  
  
Black Phoenix: No problem! Dante is half-human, half-demon. His father's the Legendary Dark Night Sparda. He owns a business called Devil May Cry and he made Ebony and Ivory; his twin pistols. He could turn into a devil, and I know a code for Dante to pee on the wall. Hehe...  
  
Dante: WHAT?!?!  
  
Black Phoenix: Yep. Well, that's it for now! Send 'em reviews in and we'll answer! Now Dante...about that question from Silver Sparrow...  
  
Dante: She can't have my coat!  
  
Black Phoenix: Not that one! The other one!  
  
Dante: Oooohhh...THAT one...Umm...Whoops gotta go! *door slams, motorcycle revving and tires screeching away can be heard*  
  
Black Phoenix: Hm...well, till next time...Ja ne! 


	3. It's PIE DAY!

Black Phoenix KaT: Hiya, fellow readers! I'm terribly sorry for not updating. My main reason is I was afraid that it would get deleted. All the past data of this fic was wiped out from my computer a long time ago. So, if you please, send your questions to my email addy (go to my profile...) so we don't overload this and it won't get deleted. The title of the fic will even change. You CAN review the fic, just so I know you all want more! XD! I'm also tackling many other fics, so gomen ne. Here are the questions from the past two years, just to make me suffer and so you can enjoy.  
  
Dante: Okay, okay. BRING ON THE QUESTIONS!!!!  
  
BPK: Okay. First is from...Savage Passion 666...  
  
OOOH!!! OOH!!!! i got one!! How come i got voices in my head!? i neeeeeed too knooow.... tell meeeee.....lest you face the wrath of Bob the Golf club o' Doom!!! Boohahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!   
  
Quote of the day: I GO BLISS NOW!!! GARG!  
  
Dante: Uhh...I. DON'T. KNOW. smashes golf club Ask the midget lawn knomes at Wal Mart. Next!  
  
BPK: This one's from...Legendary Dark Knight Sparda! Sadly, we've lost contact so I don't know where he posted the blooper fic...=;[  
  
Hey BP sorry I didn't come here sooner I've been quite busy! Alright here we go!  
  
What do you think of your new voice?  
  
Are you and Nelo happy to be brothers?  
  
Did Nightmare ever mess up your suit when he drags you into his realm?  
  
Do you think Mundus sholda had a better Devil form then the old Resident Evil blob form?  
  
Are you jealous that the cool forms were given to Onimusha?  
  
Do you think KAZUYA is a formidable opponent?  
  
Are you jealous of his devil form?  
  
Well that's all I can think of. I'm writin the new Tekken Jeopardy chap. Should be ready tonight so check it out! And good luck with this!  
  
Dante: Ahh....  
  
1) I'm somewhat content. I liked my crazy Canadian voice better...  
  
2) I don't know. He always ate my candy when were kids. He says yes, I say no.  
  
3) Yes! ONE stitch was out of place when he let go! points to thread on his shoulder sticking up like a baby with a hair  
  
4) Somewhat...but Sammy and I always go out for sake! snicker Ah, that Kaede...  
  
5) Hmm...MAYBE...I'll call him next Tuesday. I have a miniature golf game with him this Sunday.  
  
6) No! MY devil form is WAY better! goes devil COME AT ME, MISHIMA!  
  
Kazuya: devil form BRING IT ON!!!!  
  
(put on cheesy battle music)  
  
(both fight like Armageddon)  
  
(after 5 minutes, they stop, return to their true forms, and shake hands)  
  
Kazuya: Thank you. Now to attend to Heihachi's funeral.  
  
Dante: Yeah! Don't forget, this Sunday!   
  
Kazuya: eyes glow WE WILL OWN THE PANTS WETTERS!! leaves through floppy cardboard door  
  
Dante: Ahahaaa...That Kazuya, such a pal. NEXT!  
  
BPK: Next is from...Sabbra Cadabra of the Grave.  
  
I want to ask some friggin questions.  
  
1. If you were at a conveint store in LA ang a guy tried to rap in your face and then try to get you to buy counterseptives What the hell Would you do?  
  
2. What music do you like and/or dipise?  
  
3. Do you like guns with the name B.F.G.(BIG F#$$ING Gun)or Super Doper Big Friggin Xray vision Extradeliuos super Big Nuclear Pea Bomb Dropper?  
  
thanks for you time.  
  
Dante: Hmm...  
  
1) Kick his ass. No one be getting' in Dante's face, yo!  
  
2) I DESPISE pop and that wannabe rock, like Avril. Country sucks ass, too. I'm for the hardcore crap, hehe. J-rock is awesome too. Like Psycho le Cemu, Dir en grey, Malice Mizer, X Japan, etc...  
  
3) Both are good!! Hehe...drops a nuclear pea on...a mime  
  
Mime: silence ...explodes  
  
Dante: Graah...next...eats a Devil's Food Cake doughnut from Krispy Kreme  
  
BPK: looks on hungrily Next...Sors!  
  
What is your favorit color, monster, person and animal??  
  
Dante: Color...points at coat Monster...points at BPK Animal...points at himself Grah, I'll like anything, expect for those bastards, the Telletubbies or that Booh-bah shit on PBS. Curse BPK's sister, Ni-Ning and her brainwashed 7-year old mind.  
  
BPK: I'm...a monster?  
  
Dante: gulps a slurpie Yeah.   
  
BPK: sniffle I...I WAS ACKNOWLEDGED BY DANTE!!! glomp  
  
Dante: ACK! GETTOFFAME!! Go play yer Fatal Frame or something...  
  
BPK: But I announce yer letters.  
  
Dante: Oh yeah...carry on.  
  
BPK: Okay! Next is...Toxin Blackheart! Hiya, best-friend-since-kindygarten! waves "I love Jellybean (my nickname for Leon Kennedy from RE)" sign in the air  
  
Dante: ...  
  
BPK: lowers sign abruptly Ack, gomen.  
  
Awesome awesome awesome. You are great at writing Ask Blah Blah Blah fics. Keep it up and write many many more! Anyways, here's my questions for my good buddy Dante!  
  
1) Want some Jello? ::Grins Evilly::  
  
2) Do you enjoy Pixar created movies, such as Toy Story and Monsters Inc.?  
  
3) After Trish threw your bike at you, how much did repairs cost?  
  
I'll ask more questions later.  
  
Dante: ...eep.  
  
1) shudders uncontrollably like a horribly made jello pudding pie  
  
2) Yes...they make the inner boy in me pop out like a pimple!  
  
3) Hrm...ask BPK. She paid for it all.  
  
BPK: cries All of my college tuition money, fangirl fund, and my plushies and cosplay... weeps bitterly  
  
Dante: Yep. Mine's custom made.  
  
BPK: cries Next...is...from...Amail! runs away  
  
Me again. One more question.  
  
How do you stop a Sin Scissors and a Sin Scythe from laughing?  
  
I know, you shoot them. Anyway, to answer your question you met this woman (actually she's a full-blooded hunter, name of a species of people that have long lives and spend all their lives protecting balances of nature because you can't have alot of people running around like idiots controlled evil magic or monsters. It would ruin normal life.) named Allana. She calls herself Lanie and you two get married after she finally convinces you it would make sense for an alliance between all hunters of evil. Don't worry, she's alot like you and does not act a normal woman. She's acts like a real person not obessed with clothes, make up, and gossip.  
  
Anyway, Daniel nicknamed Draco is the oldest.  
  
Sheila, nicknamed Wyvern, is the only daughter.  
  
Paul, nicknamed Noginor after a dragon in Norse mythology, is the next oldest. He is married to a human woman with three kids.  
  
Mike, nicknamed Smuag after the dragon in The Hobbit is the baby but is the most lethal. He has the same abability of two of your friends to change into his other form at any time. He does have to fight to gain DT.   
  
You and Lanie call them tri-brids. One third hunter, demon, and human.  
  
Yes, it will be a very strange fic that goes into a series.  
  
Dante: Yup. I shoot them dead. Nice!!! NEXT! crickets chirp NEEXXXTT!! ditto ...Next?  
  
(BPK has hidden herself in a "The Cheat" box with a muffin behind the house.)  
  
Dante: Heh. Thanks to that parenthesis, I know where to get her.  
  
(...DAMMIT!)  
  
Dante: Okay, lil' miss kitty pants, get you AND your muffin outta there...  
  
BPK: ...I'm not here!  
  
Dante: ...slices open box and takes muffin Okay, get you and yer stupid j-rocker ass BACK to my show! eats muffin on one bite  
  
BPK: My muffin...  
  
Dante: I'll get you a whole huge basket of mini muffins later, okay?  
  
BPK: ...OKAY! glomp  
  
Dante: ...That's nice...now hurry up.  
  
BPK: WHOO!!! Next is from Kar-chan!  
  
My bad. I'll make sure to spell Mr. McCartney's name right next time. Now for another question. What IS Nightmare? Did Mundus blow chunks and decided to make you fight it? Just wondering.Bye!  
  
Dante: He's deformed Jello, made from the good dreams of innocent children and orphans everywhere... shudders  
  
BPK: Next is...Jes!  
  
Yeah, I followed you here from the Tekken section. I've got some questions for Dante.  
  
1. Have you ever met Ozzy Osbourne? I mean, in your line of work it would only make sense.  
  
2. Why does Black Phoenix insist on correcting everyone's spelling mistakes? It gets annoying.  
  
3. Do you chew bubble gum when you kick ass? Do you take names when you kick ass? Do you ever chew bubble gum, take names, and kick ass at the same time? Have you ever run out of bubble gum while you where kicking ass and said, "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum." That would be badass.  
  
p.s. Long live Ozzy.  
  
Dante: Ahh...  
  
1) Yes. Good man, Ozzy is. I try to waddle like him, but to no avail.  
  
2) That was a LONG time ago. She just has this stupid English teacher thing....I mean, every time she writes something, she always hears her English teacher's voice tell her what to do, and she goes zombified and does what it says.  
  
BPK: I BEFORE E EXCEPT AFTER C...  
  
Dante: See?  
  
3) Uhh...  
  
A. Yes.  
  
B. Yes. I post it on my website: peopleiowncuziownj00all.com.  
  
C. Yes. I'm talented.  
  
D. Yes. You have unlocked Dante Secret Ultra Mega Special...Y! Go you!  
  
BPK: ...I've never heard of such a thing.  
  
Dante: Then go home.  
  
BPK: I...am home.  
  
Dante: ...Shut up.  
  
BPK: But how can I read the letters if I shut up?  
  
Dante: ...JUST GO.  
  
BPK: Okey dokey. This one's from...Adesso e Fortuna!  
  
Ask Dante if he would like to comoe over and read my fic. Unfortunately, he's only a supporting character.  
  
Dante: I'll go check it out when I see fit. NEXT!  
  
BPK: Umm...??  
  
Weren't these Ask fics banned?  
  
Dante: Umm...only if you use the Review thing like a message board for questions, which we will no longer do. Email the author, please.  
  
BPK: Hmm...Pirate Cap'n Spazz!  
  
I have a couple of questions of my own heh heh... Erm... Yeah...  
  
1. Does your dad need his Yamatto, erm.. the katana any more? If he doesn't, can I have it?  
  
2. Why do you look like Legato Bluesummers from Trigun? Are you related?  
  
3. Can you be my boyfriend?  
  
Dante: Hmmm...  
  
1) I doubt he'll need it, but he's got it magically stuck to his wall. Sorry!  
  
2) I don't know. He's my second cousin on my distant uncle Berbdee's side.   
  
3) Umm...along with the 3 million other fangirls? NO.  
  
BPK: is one of those fangirls Waah. Next is from...DisturbedDemon!  
  
Dante?   
  
Do you, Vincent Valentine and Vash use the same clothing designer?  
  
Did virgil ever stick your head in the cereal bowl at breakfast?   
  
Was your father ALWAYS in his armor in the house hold?   
  
Did his wife yell at him for it?  
  
Did he yell at you and virgil while fighting at the breakfast table in a deep demon voice?  
  
What do you think about these millions of girl fans?  
  
How do you get your hair to do...that?  
  
What kind of shampoo do you use?  
  
What was your first christmas like?  
  
Can I have you?  
  
Heh, heh, heh, heh...  
  
Dante: Lesse...  
  
1) Yup! Directions to the designer's store is in Chapter 2!  
  
2) Yes...BPK has a fic about my childhood that she has yet to post...  
  
3) Most of the time. His Pacman boxers rocked, though.  
  
4) Yup. The armor squished her petunias.  
  
5) Yes! You should've seen him snap Virgil's skateboard in half like a twig! I triked to school, he walked!  
  
6) They're good AND bad. Good for making me so popular, bad for stalking me everywhere I go.  
  
7) Pantene Pro-V...;;  
  
8) Hmm...I got sent to an orphanage, wrapped in shiny foil wrapper, satin ribbons, and sparkly tinsel! It said "From: Santa Claus" in my stupid brother's retarded handwriting.  
  
9) ...NO. But you can have a plushie of me! hands a plushie  
  
BPK: Okay...Steven308, yyyeeerrr UP!  
  
Hey dante i am a big fan of you and i made my very own sword that looks just like the sparda in sword form, Can you please kill my older sister? thank you  
  
Dante: ..Awesome! I'll gladly kill your sister. She must be really evil to you. kills sister Now...PAY ME!  
  
BPK: NEXT!  
  
Dante: MY LINE!  
  
BPK: MY DONUT!  
  
Dante: ...okay, next.  
  
BPK: Next is...janet ross' ghost!  
  
Cool! I love 'ask' fics! Can I ask if Dante has realised it's a bit perverted to fancy an exact replica of one's mother? And don't let him pretend he doesn't, it's soooooo obvious! And what is the correct way to pronounce your name, is it "Dan-tay' or "Don-tay"? or something else entirely? And one more thing: How do you feel about the fact your new game looks like a load of moneygrubbing rubbish? And why in the name of Satan did you change your buisness name to "Devil never Cry"? Apart from the fact that devils never cry. It sounds stoopid. Oops, that was two more. Who cares, I'm sure Dante likes the attention.  
  
Dante: Graah...  
  
1) ...No comment.  
  
2) Don-tay.  
  
3) I unno. I do know that BPK hates Akatora now for ruining her brand new DMC strategy guide (at the time. It was her Christmas present.). It was brand-new and all, and she let him borrow it. The next day, there were coffee stains, it was bent, and some pages were partially ripped. She never trusted him again and she still yells about him. Weird, but they used to like each other.  
  
4) Don't ask me. Ask Trish.  
  
I love the attention, baby...smacked by BPK GYAAH!   
  
BPK: glare   
  
Dante: O-KAY...next is from...who?  
  
BPK: grits teeth Next is from...Dante Hellsing.  
  
Ok that was a hell lota info. Ya, nice and funny fic. LINKIN PARK RULZ! i hate britney...XD  
  
Dante: Amen. Britney can go to hell...We laughed when she injured her knee and fell down.  
  
BPK: Yup! Slut...next is from...Garnet2!  
  
1. What is your favourite type of girl? (;P)  
  
2. In the first part of the game you renamed your agency from "Devil May Cry" to "Devil Never Cry". Don´t you think that "Devil May Cry" sounds better?  
  
3. Why must there always be such weird looking girls by your side? Why not me? ;)  
  
4. Do you have an oedipus complex? ((c) by Sigmund Freud) Because you like(d) Trish and she looks like your mother XD  
  
5. Do you know the band "Dir en grey"? If yes, which song do you like most?  
  
6. What was the question from Silver Sparrow?  
  
Is it maybe... CENSORED ? XD  
  
Dante: Uhh...  
  
1) One that I like. looks at BPK and sticks out tongue Like I'd like you, FREAK!  
  
BPK: cries  
  
2) Yes it does!  
  
3) I don't know. The weirdest one of 'em all is Ms. Author pants.  
  
4) ...no comment.  
  
5) YES!! Finally, another Diru fan! I like...hmm...Obscure's a good one.  
  
BPK: WHY DID SHINYA HAFTA GET DREDS?!?! (I know why. I'm just spasming at the moment) Die...Totchi...KYO...Kaoru...drool  
  
6) Erm...  
  
BPK: She wanted to get into his pants.  
  
Dante: AACK!! That question never existed? What did she ask me? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE! aherm Next question.  
  
BPK: Okay...this one's from...Krit!  
  
imitates nelson HA HA!  
  
ok....uh I only have 1 question..  
  
Do you like J.lo?   
  
I read a fic my friend Lazuli wrote...It has you dreaming about J.lo sayin',"I love you J.lo and your big ass!"...It was pretty funny so I was just wondering...And if you do like her, what do you think about her and Ben?  
  
Dante: ...NO...  
  
BPK: Hehe. You were crying while watching Selena, though.  
  
Dante: B-But...THAT WAS SAD!!!! The s-songs and...GRAAH!!  
  
BPK: Okay, okay...just answer another question. This one's from...MexicanNigiri!  
  
Wowies, oke here i go  
  
1. does it bug you that Trish's hair is really computerized and stuck together?  
  
2.Why is your hair always stuck together? o.  
  
3.Whats up with talking all that smack? Does it make you fight with confidence or somthing?  
  
4. What would happen if you had a little girl asking about peoples hair stalking you 24/7? would you be frightened?(whistles)  
  
5. Is the statue of time like a 711 to you?how do you give it stuff if its a statue?  
  
6. Is there really a code to make him pee on the wall? o.ô please tell XD  
  
7. I want to know what you have to say about silver sparrows question (locks door) you aint goin no where!   
  
thanx fer yer time, gotta run  
  
Dante: Okay...  
  
1) Somewhat. Then again, Capcom's not exactly SquareEnix, eh?  
  
2) Read above.  
  
3) Diss = Happy Fun Time.  
  
4) Either kill her or send her off to a sweatshop in the Middle East to knit socks for me as she is paid 2 cents an hour.  
  
5) Yes. There's a little hatch at the bottom to where I dump the valuables. The stuff I want shoots out in a flap at the base like a gumball machine!  
  
6) Yes, but it's been so many years and it was probably thrown away. We don't' remember it. Sorry.  
  
7) Ack...uhh...  
  
BPK: Answer the question...  
  
Dante: Graah...NO.  
  
BPK: That's a nice way to lose fangirls, Dante. Anyway, next is from...Wood Elf & Kitty!  
  
Hello!!!!! First of all i bow to the Bishie known as Dante bows Here r my questions?  
  
1) can i have that code that makes Dante pee on the wall? (to Black Pheonix)  
  
2) Do you that you are a Bishie?  
  
3) Can i have your COAT?  
  
4) Can i pet you?  
  
5) Will you kill Trish??   
  
6) Are you a true blue perv?  
  
7) Do you like Mangas? Anime? Or Comics?  
  
8) Can I have your autograph? Plushie? Trish's decapitated head which to burn in a midst of flames?  
  
9) If you could be partnered up with anyone who would it be?   
  
Felicia (DarkStalkers)  
  
Lenneth Valkyrie (Valkyrie Profile)  
  
Momo(Breath of Fire 3)  
  
Morriagan (Darkstalkers)  
  
Sakura (Street Fighter)  
  
Me?? (im a angel of Death.. Im not lying its true!!!!)  
  
10) Will please kill Trish!?!!!  
  
LOL Bows to Dante's Greatness  
  
Dante: WHOA NELLY...!  
  
1) BPK: Read above. I lost it a LOOOONNGGG time ago! Gomen!  
  
2) Yes, I know I'm a bishie. A hot and sexy one at that.  
  
3) NEVER...glare  
  
4) sigh If you must. survives head rape Gyaah...  
  
5) Sorry, can't. That'd make me feel like I killed my mom.  
  
6) Why, yes I am...evil hentai grin  
  
7) Yes, yes, and yes. Read the manga for Battle Royale. Read Volume 3. Read Mitusko's side story. Enjoy...that bit goes with question 6, too.  
  
8) Autograph: Sure. scribbles on a random sock Here ya go! Plushie: Sure. Everyone loves huggable plushies...of me! hand you plushie in autographed sock Trish's head: No.  
  
9) So hard to choose...ah...ERR...eeny meeny miney mo Felicia.  
  
Felicia: hiss  
  
Dante: I know how to rub kitties the right way...purr  
  
Felicia: hissity hiss Vermin! runs away  
  
Dante: See? They just can't get enough of me! Like you! That's right, bow down to my GREATNESS THAT IS DANTENESS, THAT'S WHY I'M DANTE, BECAUSE I'M SO GREAT!!  
  
BPK: Sugoi yo! (Wow!) ==;; Next is from...White haired yokai!  
  
1) If you had to choiose to be a character in an other series, who would you be? I'd recommend Vash the Stampede, because you'd get to keep the nice coat.  
  
2) Have you ever considered becoming a Shinobi? They get shurikans, peform Tate (Multiple kills, then as soon as you sheathe your sword, they fall to pieces), run on walls, stealth dash (Really fast movement which leaves blue sihoulette's in your wake), and possibly an attack with a gigantic scarf that devours your opponent's soul whilst strangling them to death.  
  
Dante: Lesse now...munches a cookie  
  
1) Vash is good...but I'd be Alucard from Hellsing...yes...BPK? Would you?  
  
BPK: After you answer the second question, dear.  
  
Dante: Okay.  
  
2) Kinda...but a scarf isn't enough. I like my coat going SWOOSH whilst fighting a horde of flesh-eating demons.  
  
BPK: Okay, I'm ready! pulls out Osama bin Laden...a cardboard cutout of him  
  
Dante: Good. Quothe Alucard...  
  
BPK and Dante: both have guns aimed (I stole Steve's dual Lugers! XD) "In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen." both shoot the cardboard figure until it is the paper version of Swiss Cheese  
  
Dante: Huzzah. bows, with BPK  
  
BPK: Okay, now to return the Lugers to Steve! rushes to RE: Code Veronica, returns said guns, then hurries back to the show Next is from...Tsunami Girl 2003!  
  
1.what was your childhood life like?  
  
2.your cool,you think I could get your number?  
  
3.I am your biggest fangirl.not a rabid fangirl..can we get together sometime?  
  
Dante: Whee...  
  
1) Very sad. I was short. Huzzah.  
  
2) Of course I'm cool! I'M DANTE SPARDA!! HAHAHA!! Look in the phonebooks! You'll see me!  
  
3) I...see...MAYBE...MAYBE NOT...  
  
BPK: I'm in the yellow pages! gasp A PIE-SNAGGING CONTEST!! I'M THERE!! drags Dante and the show along  
  
(In a random park, filled with the sweet aroma of pies and baked goods galore)  
  
Dante: I don't see what's so cool about a pie-snagging contest...  
  
Mayor: Please, gather 'round! In this contest, all you have to do is...STEAL AS MANY PIES FROM OUR HEAVILY GUARDED STANDS IN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES! Winners get 10 GIANT PIES OF YOUR CHOICE!  
  
Dante: OO BPK, let's go for those pies...  
  
BPK: ==   
  
Mayor: READY...GO!  
  
(hoards of people with their partners try to nab the pies. Dante attacks all S.W.A.T. members while BPK nabs the delicious pastries. They soon finish up with 3000 pies, thus, an inevitable win.)  
  
Dante: WHOO!! We want these pies!  
  
1) Pecan  
  
2) Lemon Meringue  
  
3) German Chocolate  
  
4) Blueberry  
  
5) Lemon Drop  
  
6) Raspberry  
  
7) Berry (all berries that are good)  
  
8) Oreo  
  
9) Cherry  
  
10) MORE LEMON MERINGUE!  
  
Mayor: Baker, give them their pies!  
  
BPK and Dante: YAY!  
  
(back at the house)  
  
Both: eat pies  
  
Dante: munch Yummm...Oreo pie...  
  
BPK: Lemon meringue! ==  
  
Dante: munch Next question!  
  
BPK: Okay! pie day! This next one's from...  
  
Gemakai- OOOKaaayyyy, Dante! We're both demons here, so lets be honest!  
  
1) Who's better? Trish or Lucia?  
  
2) Which Partner? Jean (Lunar 2), Morrigan Aensland (Darkstalkers), Aisha Clanclan (Outlaw Star), or would you stick with Tifa?  
  
3) Just an opinion, but don't you think Lilith is a better name for Lucia?  
  
4) You seem to have more swords in your shop, than a armory in a fort... CAN I HAVE ONE!?  
  
5) Last question... do you like them shaved or not? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about!  
  
Kora- Shudders  
  
Dante: Ahh...fellow demon...  
  
1) ...Trish...  
  
2) ..I'D STICK WITH TIFA! Yes...more pie  
  
3) Hm...Lucia sounds okay though.  
  
4) Of course! tosses you a wooden pirate sword Hehehe...  
  
5) ...no comment!  
  
BPK: ...shudders Next is Aaron the 2nd Trickster Priest!  
  
I have some questions for the king of hell. (I didn't get the s rank pic where it says that, I just read it online). 1. How the hell did you beat Nightmare?! He's cheap as hell. 2. Who's more powerful, you or Sephiroth? Better yet, who would win in a fight? 3. Why use Sparda? It sucks. You can't devil trigger except during the last fight. 4. How come you have such crappy lines? Ex: I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with light! 5. Where can I get a sword like the Yamato? 6. Nelo Angelo is a much better swordsman than you. Learn to block dumbass! 7. Favorite anime character? 8. Wanna fight? My character in lina inverse vs. the weapons will take you on anytime. (He shows up in Chapt 6. soon to be updated). That's it please reply soon.   
  
p.s. My name refers to Xellos from Slayers.  
  
Dante: Gyaah...  
  
1) That's...a secret...grin  
  
2) Hmm...I'd win naturally! Estuans Interius (?) plays Ahh...I'll leave that at no comment.  
  
3) Make things difficult. Challenges are good, ya know.  
  
4) Blame my scriptwriter. Damn you to the darkest depths of hell, Georgie...  
  
5) Try...ebay?  
  
6) SHUT UP!!!!!  
  
7) Hmm...Alucard from Hellsing.   
  
8) Sure. Just lemme finish up my pies.  
  
BPK: Hehe, he got j00!  
  
Dante: Shut it, you...next question!  
  
BPK: Okay...Alison rules at life, you're on!  
  
OH, ANSWER. Dante, dear, tell me.  
  
1. Are you related to Raiden? He looks like he could be your little brother!   
  
2. Would you mind co-starring in a Persona/Devil May Cry crossover fic with Ellen Kirishima? It's a romance, and sort of an AU.   
  
3. You're cuter than your brother. Gets a strange look from Guido and Nate Oh, it's not a question.eh.  
  
4. Puppy eyes Could you make ME a set of handguns?! Yours are so cool! I beat the whole game with Ivory and Ebony alone!!  
  
5. Where can I get one of those Marionettes? They're so cool, I want some to guard my bedroom.  
  
6. .Would YOU guard my bedroom?  
  
7. Trish stole Talena's sunglasses. Talena would like them back.  
  
Talena: Growls menacingly  
  
8. Talena's having romance problems with Snake. Otacon said to just wait it out, but Talena's impatient. Any advice?  
  
Talena: I could just take Dante.  
  
9. And one more! What's your favorite casino game?! Mine's Blackjack!  
  
Dante: pies Hmm...  
  
1) Cousin R! Whoo!  
  
2) Gladly.  
  
3) Thank you...I'm cuter than ANY guy... hentai smirk  
  
4) Of course! makes a crappy pair and painted with spray paint Sorry...short on funds...I bought more pie.  
  
5) Try Pinnochio's house!  
  
6) Hmm...MAYBE...  
  
7) steals them from Trish Here ya go!  
  
8) Hmm...depends on what kind of problems. Email if you want and I'll have it answered in the next episode...hopefully...  
  
9) Blackjack is fun!!!! wins another slice of pie from BPK  
  
BPK: GRRAAAH!! Next is LiL Kitten!  
  
Howdy! Lemme ask a few questions: What would you do if you had rule over the earth? Ever felt like exploding? Which show is better Invader Zim or X-Files? Can I rub your hair? It's sexy. You're sexy.drools ;p  
  
Dante: Heh...  
  
1) I'd destroy all demons, watch more Hellsing and Angel Sanctuary, and...OWN ALL PIE MAKERS WORLDWIDE!!! evil laughter  
  
2) Sometimes.  
  
3) Invader Zim!   
  
4) Sure. I know I'm sexy...but please shut your mouth. We don't wanna drown in your ocean of drool. Thanks! winks  
  
BPK: SAVE. PIES. Next is...Sephiroth Sama!  
  
HIYA DANTE!  
  
1. Do you like Spam  
  
2. Whats better Bass or Guitar and why?  
  
3. Can I lick your trench coat  
  
4. Can I be your next side kick? ::Takes out a huge sword and swings it killing a random person::  
  
Hehe, Thanks!  
  
Dante: Gyaah...  
  
1) Spam...eh? BPK likes it. But...Sicko Penetrating Ass of Monkey? NOO...  
  
2) Bass. BPK plays it, so I can steal it from her.  
  
3) Sure...but I'll hafta wash it later.  
  
4) I..don't know...sees your swooshing We'll leave that on a to-know basis...lowers your sword SLOWLY  
  
BPK: xD Next is...Kravloc!  
  
Here's a simple one: What are your plans for Devil May Cry 3. P.S.: If you need anything, I could give you some cool ideas for new weapons and such.  
  
Dante: Hmm...I'll need a more freakier storyline...Weapon ideas would be awesome, thanks. NEXT!  
  
BPK: Okay, next is...fuzzydonuteater!  
  
I wanna ask Dante! Are you cute by any chance?  
  
Dante: No, I'm not cute. I'm UBER SEXY!!! Look at BPK latching herself onto my leg!   
  
BPK: duct taping self on Dante's leg What?  
  
Dante: ...Loser. Next!  
  
BPK: Okay, this one's from karen!  
  
when are you going to come out with more questions  
  
Dante: Look above ye! NEXT!  
  
BPK: Next is...Sephiroth!  
  
Hey i have some question for you Dante:  
  
1.- Dante, dop you have last name?  
  
2.- What was the name of your mother?  
  
3.- if you see your father someday, what will you tell him?  
  
4.- did you love your father or you hate him?  
  
5.- how did you fell when alastar go trought your body, that scene was cool.  
  
Dante: Lesse...  
  
1) Yes. It's Sparda.  
  
2) Eva. God bless her soul.  
  
3) "You owe me a bag of jelly beans."  
  
4) Loved him.  
  
5) I felt the urge to eat more pie.  
  
BPK: Next is from...Mistress of Darkness!  
  
Okay Dante...these may sound stupid but I wanna know!  
  
1.)Which Linkin Park song is better? In the End  
  
or Faint  
  
2.)Where can I get two guns just lie yours?  
  
3.)(this one isnt exavtly a question) Have you ever watchedthe show Inuyasha."cus you remind me of Sesshomaru alot.  
  
4.)Will you get rid of this big ugly demon that possesed my computer??  
  
That'a about it...See Ya!  
  
Dante: Lesse...  
  
1) They're both good...Probably Faint. BPK like said other.  
  
2) ...ebay?  
  
3) Yes. I'm glad you think so!   
  
4) Of course. stabs computer, then rids of demon Hope that solved your problems!  
  
BPK: ...MOVING ON...next is...ChristinaCornell!  
  
1. Can you do us all a favour and kill Avril Lavigne?  
  
2. Is you hair REALLY natural? I bet you've dyed those eyebrows as well as your hair :D  
  
3. How many emails do you get from people asking for you to uh... do the adult thing with them?  
  
4. What music are you into OTHER than Linken park?  
  
5. Can you kill Good Charlotte as well?  
  
6. And Lucia's voice actor as well?  
  
7. if I told you to hang yourself from a lampost by the testicles would you do it?  
  
Cheers Dante  
  
P.S Get a bloody haircut or at least get hair extensions, if you had a mostache you would look like a silver haired Dave Grohl for Christ's sake!  
  
(ROFL. I'm lovin' this story! Keep it up!)  
  
Dante: Hmm...  
  
1) GLADLY! goes to Avril's concert, brutally murders her, then tosses you her bloodied, severed head THANK YOU FOR THAT QUESTION!!! grins like the Cheshire Cat  
  
2) Yes, they are...shows you a few baby pictures See?  
  
3) Too many to count, my dear.  
  
4) J-rock! Read FAR above, and you'll know!  
  
5) Of course. does so  
  
6) Hmm...okey dokey. does so  
  
7) ...No. I'll have my stunt double do that.  
  
BPK: ...Hehehe...I'd pay my slice of pie to see that.  
  
Dante: But that'll make you cry cuz...y'know...  
  
BPK: I know...smiles sweetly  
  
Dante: gags  
  
BPK: Next is from...Eight Winged Angel!  
  
wow! this is rather funny! okies, i got a few questions...  
  
1. why couldn't you do all the funky running-up-walls stuff you could do in DMC2 in DMC1?  
  
2. What's with you? you tossed away perfectly good gauntlets for different swords? shame on you!  
  
3. what kinda gas does your motercycle take?  
  
4. who is better - Lucia or Trish?  
  
5. If there's a DMC3, will you be able to pull off Bullet-Time AKA Martix or Max Payne?  
  
6. Which do you prefer - naughty or nice?  
  
7. whats your favourite soft drink?  
  
8. when did you figure out you were supposed to do the whole 'slay demons' thing? Did your mom tell you?  
  
9. did your dad actually die, or was he stuck in some parralel dimension, or something?  
  
10. finally, why cant you go into Devil form when you use the Sparda Scythe?  
  
thanks dude, cya!! o, and check out my FF8 fic - FF8 Tournament! You'd love it!!  
  
Dante: Hmm...  
  
1) Because I was sick at the time. Huzzah.  
  
2) Don't blame me! Capcom sold them on ebay!!!  
  
3) Diesel.  
  
4) Trish.  
  
5) Possibly. Check PSM.  
  
6) ...NAUGHTY...hentai grin  
  
7) This Japanese soda with a glass ball in it that Sprite Remix is based off from. BPK and I often fight over it.  
  
8) Well, Dad was cool, but I wanted to help people. Then I realized that being an orthodontist wasn't my way of helping people, so I followed Dad's footsteps and became said demon slayer. Wootcha.  
  
9) Dead...sniffles  
  
10) Dad hates me. He haunts that sword. Wootcha.  
  
I'll gladly read that fic! Heck, so would BPK!!  
  
BPK: WHOOO!! Zell...Irvine...SQUALL...drool  
  
Dante: MOVE ALONG...I might lose a fangirl...  
  
BPK: NEVER! Anyway, last one is from Kat! ...hey...  
  
1.what do you look for in a women? (takes out notepad)  
  
2.how did it feel when Alistar went though you?  
  
3.when you first saw trish what poped in your mind first?  
  
4.why do you choose the color red?  
  
5. how did you get silver hair?  
  
6.do you like killing and stuff?  
  
7.Are in love with anyone?  
  
(do you like anyone?)  
  
Dante: ...Hmm...  
  
1) Hot body, nice rack, and well...sexiness. Gotta be younger than me! wink  
  
2) Like a needle poke.   
  
3) "...HOTNESS...wait...no...MOM..."  
  
4) Blood is a nice color to be bathed and visualized in.  
  
5) I was born with it.  
  
6) Why, of course! It's my life!  
  
7) Not...really... looks at BPK, who is staring loningly Not with her, that's for sure.  
  
BPK: Aww...well, that's it for tonight! Again, I'm sorry for the very late update and please email me your questions! Just review here. And DAAANNTTEEE  
  
Dante: ...What now?  
  
BPK: Get me my huge basket of mini muffins!  
  
Dante: ...Fine. Get on. mounts motorcycle  
  
BPK: WHOO!! I'll give ya more pie later!  
  
Dante: ...YES! revs crotch car Let's ride.   
  
(both ride away down the street)  
  
'Til next time, Jya! 


End file.
